Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. Washington Gripped by Burning Question: Who Gets the Podium for Three Months WASHINGTON — The capital is holding its collective breath this week over the most consequential personnel question in recent memory: who will stand behind a wooden podium…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a legal maneuver that has left constitutional scholars reaching for both their textbooks and their popcorn, a California congressman has sent a formal cease-and-desist letter to the director of the FBI, demanding the bureau refrain from releasing decade-old…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. WASHINGTON — Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) has achieved what physicists called impossible: holding two completely opposite positions on voter ID at the same time, a breakthrough his office is calling "quantum politics." In interviews, Fetterman has repeatedly said he…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a shocking development that surprised no one who has ever waited for anything involving lawyers, the state and federal trials in the Mangione case have been postponed until the fall — because nothing says "speedy trial" like rescheduling…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. The music world has been rocked by a landmark lawsuit over who owns the word "showgirl," with a Las Vegas performer suing one of the biggest pop stars on the planet in a case legal experts are calling "the…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a landmark moment for democratic discourse, two people appeared on television to passionately defend the principle of free expression by loudly talking over each other for twelve uninterrupted minutes. The exchange, hailed as "historic" by viewers who enjoy…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. A Story That Shook the Pentagon In what military officials are calling "the most emotionally devastating Instagram story since the invention of the platform," a beloved actress took to social media this week to thank U.S. troops for their…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. Cable News Activates Emergency Graphics Package; Retired Generals Report for Duty Within minutes of reports of an incident in the Persian Gulf, the nation's cable news networks executed their most sacred ritual: the dramatic lowering of the studio lights,…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a programming decision that surprised no one who has watched C-SPAN lately, the latest House oversight hearing has been renewed for a second season. The showdown between a cabinet secretary and a congresswoman delivered everything audiences have come…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. CHICAGO — In a heartwarming display of modern governance, the city of Chicago and federal immigration officials have decided to run the entire city exclusively through competing press releases, sources confirmed, after both sides agreed that talking to each…
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