Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. The Banner Never Sleeps It was a typical Tuesday on cable news, which is to say the graphics department had achieved a level of urgency usually reserved for incoming asteroids. BREAKING NEWS pulsed beneath the anchor's chin. DEVELOPING STORY…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. Declassified Report Reveals Spies Wrote Things Down, Nation Stunned WASHINGTON — In a bombshell disclosure that has rocked the nation's stationery industry, a newly declassified intelligence report revealed this week that spies in 2016 did what spies are supposed…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a development that screenwriters are calling "a little on the nose," the White House has announced a daring overnight raid in which U.S. special forces allegedly captured a foreign strongman, extracted him without casualties, and returned in time…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. WASHINGTON — In a groundbreaking advancement for modern medicine, a former White House physician has successfully diagnosed a prognosis for a patient he has not examined, using the revolutionary diagnostic technique of "texting some urologist buddies." Speaking to a…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. A Minnesota judge is facing mounting pressure after overturning a jury's guilty verdict in a high-profile fraud case — and according to court observers, she has no plans to stop there. "Once you overturn one verdict, the gavel just…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. California officials held a press conference this week to celebrate a historic milestone: a state audit found that more than $70 billion in taxpayer funds had been lost to fraud, waste, and "creative accounting," a new state record. A…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a development both sides agree is the single most important event in human history, a Midwestern state has announced new guidelines for what children will study in social studies class — prompting adults across the nation to behave…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. A Century, Completed With Applause In an era when Hollywood careers are measured in Instagram followers and attention spans are measured in seconds, one actress did something truly radical: she lived to be 100, worked for decades, and left…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. Man in Shorts Tells Suit-Wearing Colleagues They're Doing Politics Wrong WASHINGTON — In a development that has shaken the capital's dry-cleaning industry to its core, a Democratic senator known for his casual attire delivered a blunt message to his…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main event! In this corner, wearing the official podium and a binder full of talking points: the White House Press Secretary! And in the other corner, armed with a microphone and follow-up questions:…
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