Singer Boycotted, Then Boycott Gets Boycotted in Return
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen.
Country star Kacey Musgraves is facing fierce backlash and boycott calls after asking concertgoers to donate to an immigrant-rights organization — which in turn has sparked calls to boycott the boycott, plus a counter-boycott of the counter-boycott that nobody can quite keep track of anymore.
"We're boycotting her for her opinions," explained one boycott organizer, wearing a T-shirt from the last thing he boycotted. "And if you boycott our boycott, we'll boycott you right back. This is how democracy works now. It's boycotts all the way down."
The Boycott Economy Booms
Economists report the controversy has been a windfall for the boycott industry. Sales of boycott merchandise — including "I Boycotted the Boycott" hats and "Proud Boycott of the Anti-Boycott" bumper stickers — are up 400%. One entrepreneur has launched a subscription service delivering a fresh boycott to your door every month.
"It's the circle of outrage," said one analyst. "Someone says something, someone else gets mad, a third person gets mad at the second person, and Spotify streams go up 30% for everyone involved."
Both Sides Claim Victory
Musgraves' supporters point to sold-out shows as proof the boycott failed. Boycott organizers point to angry tweets as proof it succeeded. Both sides have declared victory, which political scientists confirm is "the only possible outcome of any boycott ever."
The singer herself has remained characteristically unbothered, reportedly writing a new song about the whole affair titled "You Can't Boycott This Chorus (It's Too Catchy)."
A Brief History of Recent Boycotts
For context, this marks the 47th major entertainment boycott this year, following boycotts of: a coffee chain, a different coffee chain, a movie about a coffee chain, and one memorable week where everyone boycotted boycotts themselves. Historians note that the average boycott now lasts eleven days, or roughly "until the next thing happens."
At press time, both the boycott and the counter-boycott had been boycotted by a third group protesting "all this boycotting," bringing the situation full circle. Merchandise vendors, meanwhile, are having the best year of their lives. "I used to sell tour shirts," said one vendor. "Now I sell boycott shirts, counter-boycott shirts, and meta-boycott shirts for people boycotting the concept of merchandise. Business has never been better."
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