Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In what commentators are calling "the most devastating loss of composure since someone told Congress the Wi-Fi password," Senator Elizabeth Warren reportedly experienced a full televised meltdown after learning that President Trump had a perfectly pleasant meeting with New…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. WASHINGTON — In a stunning moment of accidental honesty, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer responded to a reporter's question this week by asking the exact question millions of Americans have been shouting at their televisions for years, then immediately…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In what economists are calling "the boldest fiscal strategy since someone tried to pay rent in exposure," a newly elected governor has threatened to simply stop sending federal income taxes to Washington, describing the plan as "a fantastic idea"…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a bold programming decision, the NFL has announced that this year's Super Bowl halftime show will run four hours, while the football game itself has been demoted to a 12-minute opening act described in the official schedule as…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a bold new chapter for American problem-solving, billionaire Elon Musk has purchased the entire ABC television network for $10 billion after reportedly being unable to locate his television remote for nearly 40 seconds. Witnesses say the ordeal began…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. A Billion Views, Give or Take a Billion In a press release that mathematicians have described as "ambitious," a spokesperson announced this week that a brand-new talk show premiere attracted one billion viewers in under seven days, making it…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. Cable News Declares National Autopsy Diagram Awareness Month In a move absolutely nobody requested, the nation's cable news networks announced this week that they will devote yet another full month to displaying the same set of autopsy diagrams, as…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a move that stunned absolutely no one who has watched a corporation discover patriotism in real time, Samsung has dramatically withdrawn its Super Bowl sponsorship after learning that Bad Bunny will headline the halftime show. The electronics giant…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. WASHINGTON — In what officials are calling "the most significant breakthrough in outerwear identification since the invention of the parka," the FBI has released its clearest footage of the January 6 pipe bomb suspect: a person wearing a gray…
Satire: this article is a work of parody and humor. The events described did not happen. In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has ever read a headline on the internet, billionaire Elon Musk has reportedly purchased the entire ABC network for $10 billion and immediately cancelled The View, because when you buy…
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